How does mediation work? The process step by step

A divorce, an employment conflict or a commercial dispute: conflicts can arise anywhere. We resolve most of them ourselves, but sometimes that no longer works. Relations are so damaged that normal discussion seems impossible, the overview is lost, or nobody knows exactly how it started. That is when a mediator can help.

What is mediation?

Mediation is resolving a conflict with the guidance of a mediator: an independent and impartial intermediary. It is not about being proved right, winning or losing, but about a solution that is acceptable to everyone. The mediator takes no sides, listens to everyone and makes sure that everything that needs to be said is put on the table in the right way. You stay in control of the outcome yourselves.

The advantages of mediation

Letting a conflict drag on is frustrating and solves nothing. Litigation costs a lot of time and money, the outcome is uncertain and relations rarely improve. Mediation offers a different path:

• Lower costs. A mediator's fee is usually lower than a lawyer's, and the parties share the costs (usually half each). See the fees.
• Finished sooner. A process often consists of three to five sessions of two hours. Going to court easily takes months.
• Decide for yourselves. You determine the outcome together. With a court ruling, one of the parties is usually disappointed, and quite often both are.
• Better relations. Mediation often leads to the relationship being restored. With a lawsuit, that is usually not the case.

How a mediation process works

1. The free introduction

The process starts with a free introductory meeting: at the office, at your home or online. In it, you see whether there is a click and whether there is trust. That is essential, because sensitive matters will be discussed. The conflict is touched on only briefly: just enough to describe it in the mediation agreement. I check whether everyone is taking part voluntarily, can stand up for themselves (or their own organisation) and wants to work constructively.

2. The mediation agreement

Before we really start, you enter into an agreement with me. It sets out my role, the fee, how you divide the costs and confidentiality. Nothing is yet settled about the substance of the conflict; that comes later. The agreement meets the requirements of the MfN and refers to the complaints procedure and the code of conduct that I am bound by.

3. The sessions

In the first session, I go through the process once more and remind everyone of the voluntary nature and confidentiality. Then the real work begins. I provide a safe environment in which everyone can tell their story. I am impartial and neutral, and I ask the questions needed to get everything on the table. Sometimes that takes one session; more often, more are needed. Once everything has been discussed, you look for solutions together.

4. Recording the agreements

If you reach a solution, and that happens in most cases, I record the agreements in a settlement agreement or, in a divorce, in the divorce settlement agreement and the parenting plan. Only when you sign them are the agreements binding. Until then, anyone can end the mediation without being bound by what was discussed. That leaves room during the sessions to explore all options.

In a divorce, the signed documents go to the lawyer, who checks them and files them with the court. Read more about divorce mediation.

5. Completion and aftercare

Once the agreements have been recorded and signed, I formally conclude the mediation. Sometimes aftercare is needed afterwards. You can come back to me for that too.

Confidential and voluntary

Everything discussed in the mediation is confidential. I have a duty of confidentiality, and all participants commit to it as well. Participation is voluntary: anyone can stop at any time.

Where do the sessions take place?

You choose what suits you best:

• At the office in my own meeting room in Badhoevedorp: neutral ground, with privacy and calm, and free parking in front of the door.
• At home or at your business.
• Online, via a secure video connection. Convenient if you live far away or far apart.

The introduction and the sessions can be in Dutch or in English. See also the frequently asked questions.

Get acquainted?

Want to know whether mediation can help in your situation? Get in touch, free and without obligation. I am happy to tell you what mediation can do for you.

Online introduction Introduction at the office Call +31 20 659 88 28