Children and divorce: parenting plan and care arrangement

A divorce has a major impact not only on you as parents, but also on your children. They may feel sad, confused, angry or even guilty. How you handle the divorce directly affects how they cope with it, now and later. That is why their wellbeing and interests are central to the mediation.

What should you keep in mind?

Talk to the children

Explain openly and honestly what is happening, in a way that suits their age. Let them know that the divorce is not their fault and that you will both keep loving them.

Offer calm and structure

A divorce turns daily life upside down. Fixed routines around meals, school and bedtime help children get through this period well.

Listen to their feelings

Give children room to say what they feel, without judgement, even when that is hard to hear. This can be with the two of you together or separately. A mediator can play a role in this as well.

Keep working together as parents

Children benefit when their parents keep consulting each other about their upbringing. Keep them out of your disagreements as much as possible.

The parenting plan

When divorcing with children under 18, a parenting plan is required by law. We draw up the parenting plan together during the mediation. Among other things, it covers:

• The division of care. Where do the children live most of the time? With one parent, or are you co-parents with an equal division?
• Decisions. How do you make important decisions together, for example about school, medical matters, religion or hobbies?
• Information and contact. How do you keep each other informed about the children?
• The costs. Who pays for what? This often goes beyond child maintenance, for example clothing, sports or education.

I help you arrive at a parenting plan that works in practice and is in the interests of the children. Children grow older and circumstances change, so the plan can be adjusted later. This does require the written consent of both of you.

Child maintenance

Both parents are obliged to contribute to the costs of the children. Child maintenance ensures that the children have a stable financial basis after the divorce as well. The amount depends on:

• What the children need: housing, food, clothing, school and hobbies. The starting point is what you spent on the children during the relationship.
• What you can afford: the financial capacity of each of you, taking into account income, housing costs and other obligations.

I calculate the child maintenance for you according to the national calculation rules. The agreements are included in the parenting plan, so that no misunderstandings arise later. If income or the children's needs change, the agreements can be revised. Read more about money and divorce under finances.

The care arrangement

The care arrangement (formerly often called the access arrangement) sets out when the children are with whom. This can range from every other weekend with the other parent to co-parenting with time divided equally. What should you take into account?

• The children's age. Young children often need frequent contact with both parents; older children need more flexibility.
• School and activities. The arrangement needs to fit in with school hours, sports and friends.
• Special days. Make agreements about holidays, birthdays and public holidays, so that they do not become a source of conflict.

By making an arrangement together that is in the children's interests, you prevent them from being put under unnecessary pressure.

Moving on together as parents

Want to know how I can help you with the parenting plan? Read more about divorce mediation or book an introductory meeting without obligation.

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