The 8 most common causes of divorce

Almost everyone starts a relationship with the feeling that it will last forever. Yet relationships sometimes come to an end. There are many reasons why a relationship does not last. In this article I set out eight common causes, from personal feelings to irreconcilable differences.

1. Loss of attraction

A frequently mentioned cause: growing tired of each other. At the start of a relationship there is excitement, curiosity and chemistry. As the years go by, that excitement can slowly fade and partners notice that they need each other less. Eventually they may decide they are better off going their separate ways.

2. Lack of trust

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If it is damaged, by lies, secrets or infidelity, a crack appears. Even if the situation seems to recover, insecurity and distrust can remain. If trust cannot be rebuilt, both partners no longer feel safe or valued.

3. Incompatible personalities

Differences can be attractive at first, but clash later. Partners discover that their characters are too far apart. The constant clash of opinions, preferences and communication styles leads to frustrations that are hard to overcome, especially when tension in daily life rises.

4. Infidelity

Infidelity, in whatever form, is often the most profound reason to end a relationship. Whether it is a physical affair or emotional infidelity: the feeling of being betrayed can cause deep wounds and destroy the foundation of the relationship.

5. Different visions of the future

What you envisage for the future largely determines whether a relationship succeeds. Career ambitions, travel plans or the wish to live in another country can create deep differences over time. If both partners hold on to goals that are incompatible, a break-up can become inevitable.

6. Cultural or social differences

What is self-evident to one person can be a source of misunderstanding for the other. This can concern how you treat each other, the role of religion, social expectations or upbringing, for example whether you raise the children bilingually. If those differences seem impossible to resolve, they can lead to a break-up.

7. Health problems

Long-term health problems or an addiction put enormous pressure on a relationship. Serious physical or mental health problems change the balance. The care and worries can lead to frustration, powerlessness and loneliness, especially if the partner cannot offer the support that is needed. Partners can grow apart as a result.

8. Disagreement about children

The wish to have (more) children, or precisely not to, can be a major stumbling block. If the subject keeps coming back and both partners are stuck in their positions, with no room for compromise, separating may be the only way to give each of them the chance of their own future.

What next?

Ending a relationship is never easy, but sometimes there is no other way. Understanding the causes helps you better understand the choices you make. Have you decided to separate? Then it is wise to bring in a specialist. As a family mediator, I help you as a neutral party to make agreements together about the future. Read more about divorce mediation.

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